The Power of “No” & “I’m Sorry!”
Pastor Kyle Veach
Families are complex, and imperfections are a part of the package. Whether your family was created through birth, adoption, blending, or any other means, challenges are bound to arise. I have a family, and I'll be the first to admit, we're far from perfect. But the real question is, now what? What do we do with our imperfect families? In this message based on my Sunday morning message, we'll explore how imperfect families navigate forgiveness. Click the link above for the full message.
Let's explore the powerful story of the Prodigal Son in Luke 15:11-32. In this chapter, Jesus talks about three consecutive lost items: a lost coin, a lost sheep, and a lost son. We’ll focus on the parable of the Prodigal Son because in this story, we learn some great insights on how to navigate imperfect families who make imperfect decisions.
To illustrate the point further, Jesus told them this story: “A man had two sons. 12 The younger son told his father, ‘I want my share of your estate now before you die.’ So his father agreed to divide his wealth between his sons.13 “A few days later this younger son packed all his belongings and moved to a distant land, and there he wasted all his money in wild living.
From this parable, we have three main characters: the father and his two sons. One son asks for his inheritance, and one son stays home and also receives his inheritance early. The son who asks for his inheritance goes off to Vegas and wastes it on slot machines and betting on black.
Parents Make Mistakes
In the parable, the father made a significant mistake by agreeing to divide his wealth between his two sons prematurely. This decision highlights that parenting is no walk in the park, and even the best-intentioned parents can make errors.
Teaching the Value of "No": Just because our children ask for something doesn't mean they should get it. Saying "No" is an essential part of parenting. It helps them understand the value of things they desire and teaches them responsibility. It is not fun saying no to our children, but it is also not fun watching adult children living with entitlement and a skewed perspective of how the world functions. God asks us to steward our gifts - our children are a gift - and in stewarding our relationship with them, we need to say “no” to things that are hurtful to the stage of life they are in. Cell phones with open access to the internet, porn, Instagram, Snap-Chat, TikTok, YouTube, etc. - these unlimited freedoms are not helpful to give to our kids. If we actually think about it, they’re not helpful for us, so why would we think a 13-year-old is going to navigate these waters any better?
The biggest mistakes happen when we give them freedoms they can't handle.
What do you do when you mess up as a parent? We all lose our cool, scream, make mistakes, and overpromise. The key is to acknowledge our errors and apologize. Kids need to see that their parents aren't perfect but are willing to admit their mistakes and make amends. Get on your knees, drop down to their level, and apologize when you mess up. Kids will remember how your respond more than how you react. Respond with humility and your kids will learn to do the same.
1 Peter 4:8: "Most important of all, continue to show deep love for each other, for love covers a multitude of sins."
Worry Less About Today's Happiness, More About Tomorrow's Readiness: Can I say that any louder? We need to remember our role as parents. We are not chosen by God as our children’s parents just to provide them with everything and make them happy all the time. That is not a reflection of reality and that does not prepare them for the future. As parents, we often want to give our children the best of everything, but sometimes what we give them can harm them in the long run. We need to prioritize their readiness for the future over their immediate happiness. That means we need to set boundaries on what we give our kids, and focus more on readying them for the next phase!
Teach the Value of Earning It: Teaching our children the value of earning things is crucial! Participation trophies and entitlement don't help them grow. The expectation is participation, so why do we consistently give awards to kids who just show up? We need to reward hard work and model that just showing up is the baseline. If we reward them for everything, entitlement is sitting at their window, enticing them to believe that just showing up to work means they deserve a promotion. Encourage them to work for what they want, and teach them the value of hard work and responsibility. These are life-long lessons that will help them in the long-run, and avoid hurting them when they find out that all that glitters is not gold (especially if they don’t work for it!).
Kids Make Mistakes
Just as parents make mistakes, kids are bound to make their fair share of foolish decisions. It's part of growing up. As parents, we need to guide them and gradually transfer dependence from us onto God as they become more responsible.
Luke 15:17-19 - 17 “When he finally came to his senses, he said to himself, ‘At home even the hired servants have food enough to spare, and here I am dying of hunger! 18 I will go home to my father and say, “Father, I have sinned against both heaven and you, 19 and I am no longer worthy of being called your son. Please take me on as a hired servant.”’
Three Goals of Parenting: Our primary goal in parenting should be to instill a strong foundation of faith in our children. This foundation should encompass all aspects of their lives, not just the convenient or church-related parts. It is not enough for us to leave teaching our kids about faith to 1 hour every week on a Sunday. We are to model our faith, our devotions, our prayer-life, our hospitality, our generosity, and our reliance on God to our kids each and every day.
Proverbs 22:6 - Direct your children onto the right path, and when they are older, they will not leave it.
Raise the Bar: Instead of lowering our standards to the world's expectations, we should raise the bar for our children. Make church attendance non-negotiable, teach them to tithe, and involve them in serving others. Set high standards and expectations, and they will rise to meet them.
It's Better to Be Forgiving Than to Be Right
The parable of the prodigal son teaches us the power of forgiveness. When the younger son returns home, his father doesn't wait for him to finish his prepared speech. He embraces him with love and grace, even though his son had acted foolishly. Then, he throws the biggest party!
Luke 15:20-21 - 20 “So he returned home to his father. And while he was still a long way off, his father saw him coming. Filled with love and compassion, he ran to his son, embraced him, and kissed him. 21 His son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against both heaven and you, and I am no longer worthy of being called your son.’ 22 “But his father said to the servants, ‘Quick! Bring the finest robe in the house and put it on him. Get a ring for his finger and sandals for his feet. 23 And kill the calf we have been fattening. We must celebrate with a feast,24 for this son of mine was dead and has now returned to life. He was lost, but now he is found.’ So the party began.
Extending Grace: Our children need grace when they act foolish. If we don't provide it, they may assume that perfection is the standard. Jesus looks at us through the lens of forgiveness, and we should do the same with our children.
Colossians 3:13-14: "Make allowance for each other's faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. 14 Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony."
Families Need the Healing Power of Jesus: Your children will follow the Jesus you follow. Show them the forgiving power of Jesus by demonstrating grace and saying sorry when needed. Forgiveness should be at the center of our homes.
Salvation: God treats us with grace and forgiveness, and we should be thankful for His love. We need His grace in our lives, and He demands a relationship, not perfection.
In conclusion, imperfect families are the norm, not the exception. We all make mistakes as parents, and our children will make their own mistakes. But forgiveness, grace, and love should be the cornerstones of our family dynamics. As we build forgiving families, we'll find that these families throw the best parties—the parties filled with love, compassion, and joy.
Remember, forgiving families throw the best parties because they are rooted in love, grace, and forgiveness. Let's strive to build such families in our imperfect but deeply cherished homes.
Further Reading:
If you enjoyed this article, you may also like:
Focus on the Family: “What is the Right Age to Give My Child a Smartphone?”
Focus on the Family: “7 Strategies for Relentless Parenting”
Desiring God by John Piper: “How to Lead Teens Deeper into Their Bibles”
Crosswalk.com: “Navigating Parenting Challenges with Firm Christian Values”
Other Links
Want to hear more? Check out last week’s message titled, “How to Have a Godly Family” in Week 1 of My Imperfect Family
Register for our Parenting with Purpose class led by LMHC, Angela Brown that will be held here at View Church on Wednesday, November 15th, 2023 from 6-7:30pm. Childcare is provided.